Crying in The Dark - Chapter Four - Riding a Bike

           How many things do we take advantage of?  I know I know, a lot of people are always pushing the subject, but I’m not trying to take it very far.  So take a minute, close your eyes –I’ll still be here!  And think about everything you do in a day and pin point one thing in particular that you loved doing as a child.  Got it?  Okay, want to know mine?  Mine was riding a bike.  My mother, step father, and step sister would go on bike rides and it was by far, one of my favorite things growing up.  So naturally, when I found out I was pregnant – I COULDN’T WAIT!  I was so excited to know that my mom and I could take my son on a bike ride and he would see so many things and oh I could see the smile on his face just thinking about it!
            My son turned five this year and his father and I went half and half on his bike, even though he thinks it was all him (hey, he had to get SOME credit, right?).  I knew he was going to have a hard time with it, because he had one before but he wouldn’t ride it.  So this time I bought a 20”, because if I was going to buy another bike, it was going to be one that lasts a long time.  So it takes us about an hour for him to pick out the one that he wants and even then, he was apprehensive about it; mom and I never once discouraged him.  Happy thoughts always.
            So here I am, walking next to my son, listening to him scream at me as we walk down the road.  Why is he screaming?  Oh, because he’s scared and he’s taking it out on me … yay.  The things that he yells at me range from ‘NOT THAT SIDE OF THE DSFKJSDLFKJREIOG!!!’ (inaudible) to ‘MOM!!! What’s wrong with you?!  Do you not listen?!’  In my defense, when my son gets mad I can’t understand half of what he says.  So anyhow like I said, I’m walking next to my son while he’s riding his bike and people are staring at us as we make our way down the street.  Some peek through their windows, others come outside and pretend they have something to do whilst being nosey.  I love my neighbors – they’re so interested in life; especially mine.  While I’m pretending not to notice everyone staring at us, I’m attempting to calm him down because no matter how upset my son gets over potentially falling off of his bike, he’s not going to.  For one, I’m right there, holding on to his bike and for two, he has training wheels that don’t let him teeter-totter.  However, my son does not believe a word I say and will continue to scream, and yell inaudible words my way.  We finally get home and he starts crying.  I’m assuming that it’s because we’re home and he wants to keep riding his bike.  Finally in all of the pitiful crocodile tears, and gasping for air, I find out that it’s because he’s glad he’s home and hates his bike.  Mind you, this is not the first time he’s rode it, but each time he rides it, he gets more scared.
            I’ve discussed this with his therapist and he says that this is all normal and I should start getting used to him liking something one day and being scared of it the next.  So while holding my son and rocking him, after the traumatic experience, I realize that in fact, my dream of family bike rides may not come after all.