Crying in the Dark - Chapter One - Morning Blues

         It’s cold and I am bundled up in my comforter.  I’m staring at the walls as I listen to the clock tick; knowing I should be fast asleep by now because morning comes way too early.  I can’t fall asleep because my mind keeps racing and I don’t know what to do anymore.  I can feel the tears getting ready to fall when I hear footsteps and I know he’s had a bad dream again. 
         In the morning the days starts the same as any day, I get up, wake Christian up and I ask him if he wants five minutes.  If I don’t ask him, we have a fight and it is far too early to fight.  He tells me yes, and I make sure he’s covered before I leave the room.  I get dressed, brush my teeth and I take an Ibuprofen because I know I’m going to need it in the near future and I want it to start working before it’s too late.
         So I’m dressed and ready to go … time to get him up.  I walk into his room on egg shells and I carefully ask him to wake up.  As he gets up, I have to read his facial expressions so I know what day we are going to have.  This morning – he smiles; it’s going to be a good day.  I can’t help but smile back at him, my handsome man.
         He gets up and goes to the bathroom, when he comes back I have pulled three or four shirts from the closet, laid them out and I have his jeans on the bed … waiting for inspection.  He looks at each shirt and decides that he doesn’t want to wear any of them.  I look at the clock; it’s getting close to being time to leave.  He goes to his closet and looks at every shirt he has – nothing works.  I become anxious and I wonder what he’s going to do or say; but I say nothing.  He thinks for a minute before looking back through his shirts.  He’s found one!  I leave the room as he gets dressed.
         We drive to school in silence and when we get there, he takes me by the hand and leads me to the doors.  We cannot go in yet, because there are still people walking in, so we wait.  When no one is outside, walking in to school, I get a kiss and a hug.  We did not do this one day and as his teacher took him to his class, he screamed like I have heard time and again if something changes.  He looks frightened and I am scared for him.  I ask him repeatedly what is wrong and so does his teacher; he says nothing.  She lets go of him and he grabs me tight.  His eyes are filled with tears and he kisses me.  ‘I love you mom’ he says and then he walks away – seemingly unaffected.  I drive home, in silence.